Responsibility

So I am now in a role im not sure I wanted. I have so much responsibility and its sucking me dry. Its hard. I have a staff of 14 and I love them to death, I am trying to keep them all happy, but its a challenge. We have so may issues at the moment because we are changing over to a new stystem and i just dont have time for them...

Life is forever challenging and I know this more now because of this job.

But on a more personal note everythings good.. Im feeling for someone im not sure is good for me though.. Like I said before, how can you ever be truly involved in someone that is aware of a world you are so completely unfamiliar with. I am finding myself questioning things already that will always be an issue.

I am surrounded at the moment by women that are very anti-men, and although I have had experiences that have hurt me, there has been so much ecstacy that I am not jaded by the bad. I love to death everyone that has touched my soul and In turn my body. How could I possibly be twisted? They mean the world, and I am a different person because of them.

Life is so very different because of them and because of every one I have ever met - What am I to do?

How do I pursue this everyday path when I have had a taste of the world that exists beyond that.. How do I go back? I want more. I am 2 weeks of 26 and Im shitting my pants, 30 aint so far away anymore..

Flow

So its been a while.. My job is going really well. Too well, somethings gotta give right. It always surprises me when things end up like this, when its so unexpected, it keeps you on your toes. Im hoplessly involved in another being and in turn it makes me vunerable. Not vunerable but exposed, and the things that are going on in my mind as a direct result of this are ridiculous and all of a sudden I am a pathetic girl again. And I am surrounded by them...

So I think about my life and again I wonder how I got here.

I have been fortunate enough to end up here. How I really did, i dont know. When I look at these people that are trying so desperately to get jobs and they are looking at me wondering how they acheive this and I cant help but think what the fuck? try harder. But then at the same time I have never looked for any of my jobs for more than one day. Perhaps I am lucky - but i doubt it.

Life changes the older you get, and what seemed important at some point ultimately becomes a position of circumstance. You go with the flow..