Mistakes

After all these years I am still involved in the process of of self-discovery. Its better to explore life and make mistakes than to play it safe. Mistakes are part of the dues one pays for a full life.

Eternity

What we do in our lives in echoed for eternity..

The Sexes

I would like to think I'm a little bit wiser than when I was 18, however my contention on men has not entirely evolved. I'm not sure I will ever truly understand them, nor do I want to. Women are for ever after their one, and although they may very well (in this day and age) have a few on the go at once, they will still inevitably give each one time enough.. Men on the other hand will run with something new until it dies (in every acpect), with little regard to other contenders. At the end of the day we are all seeking the same thing (if we are aware of this or not), to love someone and be loved in return. It will forever intrigue me how we play this game so very differently.

Blinded

Its the 19th of December. Its been almost 2 months since I left Australia. In these weeks that have passed I have done nothing but contemplate my fate. I have been drunk every day except the last two. But I sit here again with a beer in my hand.

Today I met a magician from Spain. His name was Jose. Always in a random encounter do I find my guide. He told me precisely what I needed to hear, and not one second either late or early. I dont suppose I ever doubted it really, during the last weeks, that I dont know my way. Im sure I do. It has been a test for me. I had become complacient, irresponsible. Foolish ..with my mind and body. Foolishly in love. Blinded. I have it all in my head now, but I worry I will forget because I always do.

What he said to me today about his former drug abuse and his now sobriety.. "It was an illusion all of that. I like my reality now". Its made me realise I am not ready for my reality. I am quite happy living the illusion. But as I grow the transition has become more comforting. Less terifying I suppose. I am still not ready and I will continue to smoke and drink. But I know it now. I know myself better because of this and because of him. No matter what I concede of all this, he was real and I was. And Im changed forever. I know what I want now clearer than ever before. In life and in a man. And I know what is wanted of me.. I want to be that, have that.

Jess

Its funny the way things play out. Generally when things are good with you they seem to be with everyone else too. Or is your own happiness reflected off everyone elses misery so brightly you cant actually see it. Right now everyone that means a lot to me seems to be doing pretty well, and for the first time in 9 months I feel free. Its fantastic to be back on the road.

One of the most beautiful and free spirited girls I have ever met has spent the summer rebuilding a house truck. Complete with Hammock. How amazing...

Universe

Its as though the universe is giving you a piece of rope and wondering if you are foolish enough to hang yourself with it..

The Death

I have realised lately just how fleeting friendship can be. I have just lost a good one. A good one when it was good. We meet so many people in our lives, some for a short time and some for an eternity/ a lifetime. And even though the bad times play heavily on my bitter/ jaded mind, I cant help but remember the good ones. But thats the way it goes..